I attended BlogHer ’13 in Chicago last week. It was a great experience, for many reasons, which I hope to get into in a recap post.
It was a different experience than I’d had at BlogHer ’09. Back then, my world was different. I was blogging for myself. I had bloggy friends. We tweeted bloggy things at one another.
Not this time.
I’d abandoned my “mommyblog-with-a-twist.”
Now I’m blogging professionally. I told myself I was going to the conference to try to make professional connections. Like a professional grown-up.
When I got there, the conference felt familiar, and friendly.
Except I felt like I’d isolated myself from that community, and it was 100% my own doing. I didn’t belong anymore, and it was my own fault.
Yet one of the things I realized while I was there was that this blog, this space I’ve created, is still valuable. For a long time, I told myself that I’d outgrown it. “Onward and upward,” I cried in my head. I think it was a way of distancing myself from Mom’s death. For a long time, the post I saw at the top of the page was a blow-by-blow account of Mom’s last day. It was too hard to relive, so I clicked away.
I miss documenting the most memorable parts of my life. I enjoy looking back and remembering how it was. Really, there’s no need to stop that, just because I lost Mom.
I have a professional home on the web, and homes for the causes closest to my heart. Now it’s time to come back to this home.
I told people that I gave up on this blog after Mom died, “because my main character was gone.”
Except that wasn’t really true.
I’m still here.
The main character was always me.
You know how it feels when you’re out, all dressed up, and spend the entire evening sucking in your gut so that everyone will see your best? Then you come home, peel off your Spanx, and exhale.
Blogging here again feels like that.
It feels good to be home.