It’s been almost a week since Mom was re-admitted to the hospital. They messed with her meds for a few days, and when that didn’t work, they scheduled her for a pacemaker (at 5:00 pm on a FRIDAY?!? With 45 minutes notice??).
Since then, she’s still been having dizzy spells, so they got back to adjusting her meds. They must be getting closer, though, because today was the first day in over a week that she hasn’t had a dizzy spell.
Also, while she’s healing from the pacemaker installation, she’s not allowed to raise her left arm. Apparently it could dislodge the wires implanted into the heart muscle, and they’d have to go back in to re-implant them. They have her left arm immobilized in a sling at the moment, and she met with an occupational therapist today to teach her how to walk without using her left arm. Yeah, I know…who needs their left arm to walk, right? But Mom’s been using a rolling walker for a couple of years now, so she’s gonna have to get that figured out.
In the meantime, there’s talk of sending her to a nursing home for a couple of weeks while she heals. In the past, we’ve been like, “No way…that’s where people go to DIE!” But this time, I really think it may be the best option. She’s got way too much going on, medically speaking (heart failure, kidney failure and lung cancer), for me to feel comfortable sending her back to her apartment, even though she’s got a med-alert pendant.
I’d like to say I could handle it, but I just can’t. I’ve been overextended ever since all that kidney transplant foolishness started, and I’ve figured out where my wall is. I’ve gained 25 pounds since January, when all this began. I need to start drawing some new boundaries.
Since Mom’s been in the hospital, I’ve been able to relax a bit. I know she’s cared for 24/7, and I’ve turned my attention back to some things here at home that have been neglected. Just today, I deep-cleaned my kids’ room, and did more loads of laundry than I can count. THAT felt good.
I’m not sure what comes next. I just know that I can’t let my mom’s poor health drag me under the bus along with her. I have a family of my own that needs me, and will for a long time to come.