Please leave encouraging comments.

I know it’s been pretty quiet around here lately.

There are a couple reasons for that.

First of all, I’ve been sucked back into “real life.” Mom has taken up so much of my time and attention that I’ve had to let other things (like blogging) slide.

And secondly, I find myself not posting here because, quite frankly, I’ve had enough of being “sandwiched.” I live it every day. It’s often not fun. So why would I want to spend my free time rehashing it?

It’s not that I haven’t had enough material. Wanna hear about the time my mom’s teeth got pulled and she drooled blood all afternoon? How about the day that the PET scan of her lung came back “hot”?

I started this blog as a way to help myself (and hopefully, others) cope with the stress of living in the sandwich generation. At first, writing these posts with a humorous spin was a good way to remind myself to see the humor in life, to see how ridiculous I was being at times.

Now…it’s old hat.

I don’t want to focus on the aspect of my life that keeps me tied down to…let’s face it: Mom’s inevitable death. Yes, I still have those responsibilities, and I will for the foreseeable future, but if I DEFINE myself by those responsibilities, I’ll be ready to slash my wrists before lunch (and I really can’t afford to do that today, because Mom had a dentist’s appointment before lunch, and two doctors’ appointments after lunch).

Maybe it’s time for this blog to change. I’ve considered the possibility of merging it with my other blog. Both of them have been somewhat neglected (out of necessity), but maybe if I throw them in together…

Anyway, these are thoughts for another day. I have three appointments to get my mom to today.

A quick update on Mom:

We’re still marching toward a kidney transplant, but we may have hit a bump. They spotted something on Mom’s chest x-ray and ordered a CT scan and a PET scan (which came back “hot,” apparently meaning that it’s NOT not cancer). We have an appointment with a surgical oncologist on Thursday; from what I read, the next step may be a biopsy. Meanwhile, logistically, I’ve been running her to 3-5 doctors’ appointments a week. And on one frazzled day when I casually mentioned that if there was a day I was unavailable, she could get a ride from the transportation department at her building, she snapped at me, saying that if that happened, it would mean that I’d given up on her. Which is SO not true, but it was the first time in months that she’s given any indication that all of this is getting to her, too.

I’ve been encouraging Mom to schedule her last couple of tests: a mammogram and a colonoscopy, but she wanted to wait to see what was going on with her lung. Ironic that she doesn’t want to get her cancer screenings done because she might HAVE CANCER. Do you see what I’m dealing with here, people?

I’m out. Please to leave encouraging comments.

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About Kathleen

Kathleen Heuer is a serial arts advocate and volunteer. She is the mom of two beautiful girls, wife to a brilliant nuclear engineer, and referee between her golden retriever and her hissy 18-year-old cat. For more, go to http://about.me/kathleendheuer.
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8 Responses to Please leave encouraging comments.

  1. tangled zen says:

    I’m new to your blog (from the party) but I have to tell you, you have helped me tremendously. Maybe not in the way people expect…reading your blog has given me the final push I needed to get back into shape. Reading what you go through (and I realize this is not nice to say) has helped but things in perspective. I don’t want to put my daughter through all of that some day. She’s an only child and will have to handle myself and her father “on her own”.

    I can completely understand how you are “over it”. If I were you – I might combine the two blogs and just write about whatever makes you happy.

  2. Heather says:

    Hi there! I haven’t been by in a while and just came across your post today.

    I totally understand about wanting to use a blog as a way to make a crazy situation humorous, yet feeling exhausted after rehashing it. I’ve done the same and then wondered who I was writing for, since it didn’t make me feel any better.

    You have such a crazy schedule that I would suggest only writing on your blogs when you feel inspired or have to get something off your chest. I know that there are people who obsess about posting regularly, but to others, that’s simply not realistic. It’s not real life for us. By not posting, you’re keepin’ it real, which is what I think makes blogs that much more interesting to read.

    From your posts, it sounds like you are doing an amazing job at “juggling angry badgers” 🙂 I personally love reading your posts, and am always in awe of how you do the job of at least ten people: nurse, personal assistant, chef, doctor, mother, psychiatrist, teacher, referee, milkman, cleaning crew, etc., ad nauseam.

    I wonder if going to a support group would help? I know it’s just one more thing added to an already-overextended schedule, but it might help just knowing that others are going through what you are, and you could find comaraderie with similar souls.

    I hope that your upcoming days go well, and that you have the strength to handle anything that comes your way. Don’t worry about posting, or just keep it simple if you feel the need to write. We’ll all understand if you simply write, “No post. Too tired. Good night.”

    I’ll pray for you and your family, that you’ll all have the strength to keep from letting the turkeys uh, badgers get you down 🙂

    Heather

  3. Joe says:

    So, I am trying to write this with one finger wrapped in a bandage from a bad dog bite from a chihuahua…lucky to be alive it was a savage attack, I tell ya. Ok, no it wasn’t savage but it did hurt. I think its time for you to go back to James Litwin and the RQ days from BHS. Get the Brothers K on tape…that will make your days exciting!

  4. Sandwiched says:

    Thanks everyone! It was a rough afternoon that ended with both kids in tears and me with steam coming out of my ears, so your comments were so nice to come home to!

    The longer I’m stuck in this situation, the more I realize that being kinder to myself and asking for help when I need it (like today) is what’s gonna make all the difference.

  5. Colleen says:

    While it may feel to you like you are just rehashing your life and your frustrations, that’s not how others are reading it. They’re thinking: “Hey! I’m not the only one.” “It’s not just me!” “Finally, someone who doesn’t make me feel like an ungrateful, selfish person because I’m tired of all of this.”

    But, that said, you have to give yourself a break. It’s OK to not blog as frequently or to sometimes explore something silly and lighthearted. Because you know what? We all understand because we’re there, too. And sometimes you’ve just gotta play hooky.

    Don’t worry. We’ll be here and enjoy you and your writing whenever you’re here.

  6. ElleBee says:

    I have no pithy words of wisdom to offer you, because as Heather, I’m in awe of your ability to “juggle angry badgers”. Just know that your friends and readers love your writing. If it’s therapeutic, keep doing it. If it’s stressful, stop. The interpeeps will understand. Take care of yourself, my friend. Hugs to you. Oh, and BTW, Katherine is on our (very) short list of girl names. Hopefully we’ll find out the gender on Monday. Say a prayer for a healthy (cooperative) baby! 🙂

  7. Natalia says:

    Hi! I admire you for everything you do for your mom. It can’t be easy! I had to juggle my son and my step-father while he was in the hospital and for a couple of weeks past that and it was hard. All I can do if offer some virtual hugs!

  8. Sandwiched says:

    Thanks, Lisa & Nat. It helps just hearing that someone hears ME! I wrote a new post this morning, and for the time I spent on it, I’m not sure it was worth it. It may be time to reevaluate some things, but there’s no rush.

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